Lucas Parsons Golf photos by Getty Images.

Did you ever try the long putter?

I did. But I got a bit like Brett Ogle. I don’t know how many times I’d come to a par-5, hit driver, three-iron, chip to 30 feet and three-putt. And, Christ, mentally that just fucks you. You start getting defensive. You can talk yourself into it that you’re playing poorly.

Biggest dummy spit you’ve seen?

I was playing with Wayne Riley, who I get on very well with. We were on the first tee and he said something quite crude about a girl in the gallery. She happened to be my girlfriend who I’d met about four weeks before. Radar doubled the second, and we’re walking to the next tee and I asked, “What did you do last night, mate?” He said, “What are you fuckin’ asking me for? Go away. Get out of my face.” I said, “I’m just checking because I went out for dinner with my girlfriend over there.” And he went white. He said, “You heard what I said, didn’t you?” I said, “Wayne [he hates being called Wayne], she’s someone’s daughter, someone’s girlfriend.” He’s like, “Yeah yeah, I wouldn’t have said it if I knew.” After a few holes he’s struggling to pull the trigger. He’s slow, we’re behind. We’re playing with an amateur, a kid called Aaron Baddeley, a week from winning the Australian Open.

Anyway, we get to 14 and there’s a hold-up. Brett Ogle’s in front, they call us up. And a minute later Radar’s still on the tee. We’ve got about 500 people with us. Because it’s a call-through, the tournament director Trevor Herden’s there. And a minute later Radar still hasn’t played. I turned to him and said, “Radar, it’s fuckin’ your shot, mate.” And he goes, “You! You can’t talk to me like that!” And he turned to Trevor, “Did you hear what he said?” And he’s spitting it. And Trevor says, “Have a look at him. If I was you, I’d play the shot.” And Radar’s worked up. He hits it over the back and he’s storming down the fairway. “I can’t believe this! I can’t believe he said that!” He stormed off 18 and we didn’t talk for four months.

When did you patch things up?

He came up to me at Coolum and said, “Mate, I’m sorry,” and we’ve been fine ever since. If I was ever drawn with him, I loved it. He’s probably the most charismatic bloke you’ll ever play with. And so competitive. He brought the best out in me. He gave a shit, a 100 per cent competitor.

You’d have played against Peter O’Malley in the country. He’s a Bathurst boy ...

Big idol of mine, the Pom. Of all the people in golf, he’d be the nicest bloke. Great gentleman, great ball striker. Putting’s never been great, but his nature; he takes it on the chin. Doesn’t let nerves do his head in. Well, mostly! These days he putts with his eyes closed to take the anxiety out of it. Tiger Woods said the only difference between him and Pom is 30 yards and a different putter. They played at Bethpage once, the longest US Open ever. Pommy was drawn with Tiger first two rounds. The 14th hole is 450m, 240m just to get to the fairway. And it’s blowing 50 knots. The US Open rough is notorious. But from tee to fairway they’d mowed a three-metre-wide path for the guys to walk. First day Pommy’s flushed it. Didn’t reach the fairway, but he’s hit this cut in the middle. Next day he did it again. Tiger’s walked up and says, “You’re the only man in the world who can do that.”

‒ Matt Cleary